A suspicious glance

It felt
As if it's hallucinogenic
It made me melt
A moment poetically photogenic
Smoke in my nostrils
Smoke in between your lips
Separating us, only a few fingertips
I didn't trust the truth
It never made a move
Never was a friend of my youth
Waited for it to prove
It never showed up
It never was seen
But it ended up being a movie scene
A look
A glance
An opportunity being mistook
A slow golden chance
Slow, like the slowness in you
When you did what you had to
Gently moving the look away
And that one in my mind will stay
Forever stuck
For a good night, for good luck
The way it sparkled
The way it sent off
Everything else to dark, set me free
The lights went off
Once you looked me
Like I was the only thing you ever, and forever, wanted to see

When the crowd freezes. When my hand touches yours.

The music was pounding, and, as cliche as it sounds, so was my heart. There was a possibility I'd see him. That boy who remembered me by something so special to me. And while my eyes searched through the crowd, I got more and more nervous.
That is, until they stopped on the sight of a cigarette being brought to a perfect small mouth.
I saw him, enjoying the happenings on the stage, the music floating around us, being one with the crowd. And, because of the way I am, my legs started moving straight forward without a second thought. The heart followed and the mind wasn't asked for an opinion.
People tend to seek beauty even when aware that the true one is not exactly real or touchable. They dig tunnels to find perfect diamonds, spend millions on outstandingly fine houses, travel the whole world and end up disappointed in the end.
Yet I found it right there, less then two feet left from me. While everyone was jumping and pushing, while rock sounds filled the small venue, while everything around me smelled of beer, sweat and smoke.
The way he stood there, his blue eyes half closed in the act of too deep concentration, his body calm, his head slowly moving to the sharp beat, his left hand mimicking the guitar moves, the ones he knows too well, the ones that brought me to him. The day before that, in English class, the teacher asked us what beauty is. I said the spark in someone's eyes while they do something they love.
I saw it in yours. When you felt the melody way to deep. When you looked at me. When you looked me in a way everyone around us would realize what was going on, easily. I saw it in your eyes you didn't want to turn away.
We barely spoke to each other. But then again, it wouldn't feel right. We were jumping and screaming the lyrics, and maybe 'cause of some other reasons. But, oh, when our hands accidentally touched, when the people in front of me pushed me right into you. That was more than I ever wanted. And those few times I looked back while you were still looking, even though I was aware of every single one of your glances. Those moments were something special. They were worth smiling for. I still am, and it has been five days.
Ah, and the end. That one moment which lasted for a lifetime. When I turned around and you were leaving. And I smiled, wishing for nothing more but a smile back. You wrapped your arms around my shoulders, pulling me close, letting me melt in your arms, even though I'm not sure you realized I did. Causing me to question myself if this was a hallucination caused by suspicious smoke which floated around me. I'm repeating that one in my head ever since. That was one hell of a firework you caused in me. In my head, my heart, my whole fucking system.
Just like the last time the same thing happened. Approximately, I counted, it'll happen for a month and two days.
For a month and two days, maybe, I'll feel that beautiful calmness I feel every time I see you. That is, until you start the fire and stop the world.

Sometimes it gets too lonely inside

Even when the room is full, even when everyone's laughing, even when I myself laugh so much my stomach hurts. Even then, it hurts. Or is it just empty?
It gets to me sometimes, the thought of how lonely I actually am. How lonely every single one of us is. You will never truly know you nor will you ever really be known by someone, and most definitely will never really know anyone, and that is the most frightening thing in the Universe.
I have my secret corners that I visit only occasionally, so rarely I often forget they are there. But oh, the times I do remember. I get to feel this overwhelming hole spreading through my veins and bones. Like a black cloud, so heavy and full of rain which never gets poured out.
And I close the doors, even all the windows of my mind. I do it so carefully and silently, no one ever finds out. As the time pass, I'm not even sure anymore I want someone to realize.
It's twisted, but a part of me enjoys the days I spend locked up in a dark cloud. It does, it does very much, it believes I am my true self only then. A thought so strong in my mind, even my little heart believes it.
And so I stand, watch everyone I love from above, from the side, from under them, whatever. I think about how lucky I am to have them, about how happy they are and will probably never be aware of that. It sends a smiley thought to my brain.
And then, I shall continue to live my black hole of a insidious life. Having an illusion of feeling too much yet deep down not caring at all. Being confused in my loneliness and being lost in my eternally strange world. Not seeing an opportunity to swim out of it. Not developing a wish to do so.